For many expats, living abroad looks exciting from the outside. New cultures, new experiences, new possibilities. The excitement and adventure is often tied to the emotional reality that big life transitions often bring grief.
This type of grief arises not because something tragic has happened, rather it arises because something meaningful has shifted.
Grief can be caused by change
Most people associate grief with death or tragedy. Yet, it also appears when:
• You move to a new country
• Your identity shifts
• The version of life you imagined no longer exists
• You grow out of old roles, communities, or ways of being
Even positive, chosen change may carry loss.
Expats often hear:
“But you’re so lucky.”
“You should be grateful.”
“You’re living the dream.”
Rather than attempting to cover grief with a positive emotion. It is supportive for our emotional health to allow grief and gratitude to coexist.
Why This Grief Often Goes Unacknowledged
Grief during transitions is rarely named because:
• It doesn’t look dramatic
• People don’t expect you to struggle with something you chose
• There’s pressure to be grateful
• Expat culture can glamorize constant adaptability
• Emotions like confusion, loneliness, or overwhelm are dismissed as “part of the experience”
But internally, something very real is shifting.
Naming this grief is the first step to understanding it.
What We Discussed in the CultureXchange Podcast
In my conversation with Frauke Bender and Marie-Christine Dobro on the CultureXchange Podcast, we explored the emotional layers expats carry beneath the surface.
1. Why grief is taboo for expats
Community, identity, language, and belonging shift constantly abroad — and each shift carries micro-losses.
2. Why naming grief actually helps
When you can say, “This is grief,” the nervous system relaxes.
It stops interpreting your emotional pain as danger or failure.
3. How grief and gratitude can coexist
You can love your life abroad and still miss what you left.
You can feel grateful and still feel lonely.
You can grow and still grieve.
These feelings do not cancel each other out.
4. Your nervous system's reaction during transitions
Your nervous system is always scanning for safety.
When everything around you changes, such as language, routines, relationships and cues, your system can become overactivated.
This may show up as:
• Irritability
• Sleep changes
• Digestive issues
• Emotional overwhelm
• Feeling “floaty” or disconnected
Understanding this helps remove shame and self-blame.
My article Living Abroad in Survival Mode: How to Tend to Your Nervous System provides practical tools to support your nervous system during significant life transitations.
5. Simple grounding tools
We discussed practical ways to support yourself during transitions, including:
• Orienting exercises
• Breathwork
• Micro-rituals that create stability
• Emotional validation
• Self-compassion practices
A Conversation Every Expat Should Hear
Frauke and Marie-Christine held such a grounded, thoughtful space for this conversation. It was a joy to speak openly about an emotional experience so many expats share but rarely have words for.
You can listen to the episode here: https://www.culturexchangepodcast.com/podcast/episode/19a6a145/36-when-change-hurts-the-hidden-grief-of-life-transitions-with-christina-babich You can also explore other podcast episodes I’ve been a guest on via my press page.
If you’re navigating cultural burnout, identity shifts, overwhelm, or the emotional complexity of life abroad, you can learn more about my therapy approach for expats and internationally mobile adults here.
