For many expats, living abroad looks exciting from the outside. New cultures, new experiences, new possibilities. But beneath the adventure lies a quieter emotional reality — one that most people never talk about.
Big life transitions often bring grief, even when they’re chosen.
And this grief is subtle. It shows up not because something tragic happened, but because something meaningful shifted.
Grief Isn’t Only About Loss — It’s About Change
Most people associate grief with death or tragedy.
But grief also appears when:
- you move to a new country
- your identity shifts
- the version of life you imagined no longer exists
- you grow out of old roles, communities, or ways of being
Even positive change can carry loss.
Expats often hear:
“But you’re so lucky.”
“You should be grateful.”
“You’re living the dream.”
As if gratitude and grief cannot coexist.
They can — and they do.
Why This Grief Often Goes Unnoticed
Grief during transitions is rarely named because:
- it doesn’t look dramatic
- people don’t expect you to struggle with something you chose
- there’s pressure to be grateful
- expat culture can glamorize constant adaptability
- emotions like confusion, loneliness, or overwhelm are dismissed as “part of the experience”
But internally, something very real is shifting.
Naming this grief is the first step to understanding it.
What We Discussed in the CultureXchange Podcast
In my conversation with Frauke Bender and Marie-Christine Dobro on the CultureXchange Podcast, we explored the emotional layers expats carry beneath the surface.
1. Why grief is taboo for expats
Community, identity, language, and belonging shift constantly abroad — and each shift carries micro-losses.
2. Why naming grief actually helps
When you can say, “This is grief,” the nervous system relaxes.
It stops interpreting your emotional pain as danger or failure.
3. How grief and gratitude can coexist
You can love your life abroad and still miss what you left.
You can feel grateful and still feel lonely.
You can grow and still grieve.
These feelings do not cancel each other out.
4. What your nervous system is doing during transitions
Your nervous system is always scanning for safety.
When everything around you changes — language, routines, relationships, cues — your system can become overactivated.
This may show up as:
- irritability
- sleep changes
- digestive issues
- emotional overwhelm
- feeling “floaty” or disconnected
Understanding this helps remove shame and self-blame.
5. Simple grounding tools
We discussed practical ways to support yourself during transitions, including:
- orienting exercises
- breathwork
- micro-rituals that create stability
- emotional validation
- self-compassion practices
A Conversation Every Expat Should Hear
Frauke and Marie-Christine held such a grounded, thoughtful space for this conversation.
It was a joy to speak openly about an emotional experience so many expats share but rarely have words for.
🎧 You can listen to the episode here: https://www.culturexchangepodcast.com/podcast/episode/19a6a145/36-when-change-hurts-the-hidden-grief-of-life-transitions-with-christina-babich
