The Myth of the Thriving Expat
On the outside, life abroad seems inherently exciting; as if simply being in another country guarantees nonstop adventure and fulfilment.
In reality, many expats end up working jobs below their skill level, are trying to make rent while stumbling through conversations in a language that is not their own and still feels somewhat foreign.
If you’ve mastered the language, speaking your native tongue might start to feel strange. You say “oui” instead of “yes”, hesitate mid-sentence searching for words you used to know, and realize you’ve started dreaming in translation.
Outsiders are commenting on your courage. What they don’t see is the insecurity that comes from feeling less competent, less articulate, less like yourself.
The truth is, thriving in a new country doesn’t always look or feel glamorous, even if you’ve upped your personal style and can order an aperitivo in perfect Italian. It’s often just surviving another bureaucratic maze, rebuilding your career from scratch, or trying to make one genuine friend who “gets you” in a place where everyone already seems to have theirs.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. I work with expats who are doing “everything right” on paper but still feel quietly out of sync inside. Learn more about therapy for expats here
How it looks vs. how it feels
From the outside, your life looks beautifully balanced: early work finishes, weekends outdoors in city squares, fresh food, and a culture that seems to value rest and well-being more than back home. But inside, every day is a quiet translation exercise, where belonging itself demands constant attention.
One of my clients in Paris has been trying for months to find work in his field. He’s fluent enough to get by, but keeps hearing back that his French (is still) not good enough. Making friends feels harder than it should. He worries that he will lose his connection with long-time friends at home, while also not building deep connections with new friends in Paris.
Stories like his are common, and they’re not signs of failure: they’re signs of how deeply adjustment can affect identity and connection.
And if you do start to feel fully comfortable, something else happens: you start forgetting words in your first language, missing references, or realizing your old “home” now feels slightly foreign too. You’ve adapted so well that you no longer belong entirely anywhere.
A gentle reflection
Take a moment and ask yourself:
What would it look like to stop striving to feel “at home” and start allowing yourself to belong, even in the in-between?
You might discover that you’ve already built a kind of belonging that transcends language or geography.
Redefining thriving
Maybe thriving abroad isn’t about total ease or belonging. Maybe it’s about making peace with that permanent state of translation: between languages, identities, and versions of yourself.
To thrive might mean knowing that even a well-balanced, beautiful life can still feel strange sometimes. It might mean accepting that “home” is now plural; a feeling carried within you, rather than a place you can name.
Because thriving abroad isn’t about eliminating the tension.
It’s about learning to live meaningfully within it.
If you’ve been wondering what “thriving” could look like for you, I offer online therapy for expats and globally mobile adults across Europe. Book a free consultation
Author’s Note
I’m Christina, a psychologist supporting expats, digital nomads, and globally mobile adults navigating loss, transition, and belonging.
If you’ve built a full life abroad but still feel slightly dislocated inside it, you’re not broken — you’re just human in more than one language.
