When you move abroad, people at home often imagine your life as exciting, adventurous, and “living the dream.” And yes, sometimes it really is.
But what no one talks about is that you quietly lose in the process…
Birthdays. Breakups. New jobs. Ageing parents. Experiencing your home culture. Inside jokes with old friends. Quiet Sunday dinners. The list goes on.
Over time, these losses accumulate.
This is grief, even if nothing dramatic has happened.
You did not leave because you do not love your people.
You left to build something for yourself: growth, opportunity, adventure, stability, travel, new experiences.
But because you are not physically at home, you cannot drop in, feel the energy in the room, or pick up the small details. You are always catching up, never fully caught up.
Life at home evolves without you.
People form new routines you are not part of. Family systems shift. Friends bond over experiences you were not present for. You may return home and notice you are slightly out of rhythm, like everyone else rehearsed without you.
That disconnection is subtle, and it can hurt.
We often begin living between worlds when we move abroad.
You are not fully rooted in your new country, or fluent in the local language. You are removed from the culture you left. Your identity stretches somewhere in the middle.
As an expat myself, I know that feeling very well – and many of my clients describe it in similar ways:
• being homesick for two places at once
• feeling like a foreigner almost everywhere
• belonging that feels conditional, not automatic
• guilt and sadness about not being physically present for loved ones
If any of this resonates with you, you’re not alone.
I offer online therapy for expats and globally mobile adults navigating exactly this. You can connect with me through my contact page if you want support.
Nervous system reality
Missing important moments can trigger:
• guilt
• FOMO that is not superficial
• fear of drifting away from people who matter
• the “What if I regret this” spiral
Your nervous system wants proximity. Distance feels like risk.
The guilt trap
It sounds like:
• This was my choice, so I should not complain
• Most people would be grateful to live here
• Everyone seems fine without me… maybe I am replaceable
• I will regret not being there for my parents
These thoughts reflect a shift in identity and belonging.
You can love your life abroad and feel sad about what you are missing. Grief and gratitude can coexist; they do not cancel each other out.
It can be helpful to have a consistent, grounded space to process this.
If you would like a neutral, supportive container to work through the emotional weight of distance, reach out through my contact page.
Let’s name what you are grieving:
• proximity
• spontaneous connection
• being in the loop
• shared context
• the small rituals that keep you anchored
• meaningful time with people you love
It is not dramatic. It is honest.
Practical ways to support yourself
1. Acknowledge the impact of grief.
This is loss. Choosing this life does not disqualify you from feeling sad about it.
2. Create micro-rituals.
Voice notes, shared photos, short calls. Small threads keep relationships warm.
3. Do not rely only on big visits.
One intense week does not replace a year of smaller touchpoints.
4. Observe your shoulds.
I should be there.
If I cared enough, I would have flown home.
These thoughts come from guilt, not values.
5. Build local community.
You deserve support where you live, not only where you are from.
And no, grief does not mean you made the wrong choice.
Grief simply means something mattered. When something matters, distance feels like loss.
If this resonates
You are not alone. Many expats feel this exact tension but do not have language for it.
There are different ways to work through these felings and therapy can be one helpful space for that. It can help you:
• name the emotional weight
• build sustainable connection rituals
• reduce guilt and pressure
• anchor your identity while living abroad
If you would like support navigating this, you can reach me through my contact page.
